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Back to Tango: The Good, the Bad, the Harsh

 



The Good

A few months ago, I went to Esquina Tango for my first milonga since before the pandemic. The anxiety wasn't as high as when I first started dancing, now 17 years ago, but I was still really nervous. The warm welcome I got from the organizers frankly stunned me. I mean that in the best possible way. I was afraid I'd changed too much. I've been ill and I've been through a lot. I feel like the last 5 years aged me 20. The welcome was a relief I never expected.

I was also afraid that I wouldn't know anyone anymore, that I'd just sit and enjoy the music and count that as a win. Yay for me for leaving the house! A low, but manageable, bar. Instead I saw familiar faces, got hugged and kissed and passed around a bit in the hug line.

I danced very little - though still more than I thought I would. Three tandas, two with people I knew. And I say this as a trainer, a teacher, and still an avid student -- I danced poorly. 
 
I knew I'd be rough. Even though I've been taking Pilates with Andrea since 2022, and working on my balance obsessively, illness and lack of partnered practice took its toll. The last time I practiced with a partner was just over 2 years ago. My old teacher, the incomparable Daniela Acuri, moved back to California, so I was at loose ends in that regard. Still, I could go to a practica, right? So I did. 

Oh, dear readers . . .  It was so much worse than I thought.

The Bad

Because practicas are so far away from me, I hadn't attended a regular practica since I ran my own in 2014. I danced very regularly back then, and practiced with my dance partner at the time pretty consistently up until just before the pandemic started. Still, I thought, how bad could it be?

So bad. Soooo bad. By the time I left practica, I was asking myself, "Did I ever know how to dance???" I was missing the cross! And when I did cross, I was wondering if I was actually supposed to have crossed. 

This was made so much worse by me deciding to wear shoes I had never worn before to "break them in." Wtf was I thinking? I was ice-skating on those babies, they were so slick. My first tanda was so rough my beginner partner made the comment, "Oh, I see you're learning to dance in high heels!" Harsh, dude. Bless his heart but seriously, fork my forking life. Obviously, I changed my shoes. It did help, though not as much as I'd hoped.

I tried to ask my partners for feedback. I explained it had been a long time and I was very out of practice. Aside from the shoe comment, I could not pry any feedback or correction out of anyone! I don't know if they just felt bad for me or if they were too new to know what was going wrong. But I left with the feeling that maybe I just needed to start over. 

The Road Ahead

And that brings me to the upcoming now. I hope to start dancing with a partner at least semi-regularly again. I'm starting back to a weekly practica, work schedule permitting. And I'm looking into private lessons if the teacher and I can work out a schedule. 

Milongas though? Well, we'll see how the privates and practicas go. I don't want to injure my partners or myself. I need to know if what's going wrong is just a matter of being out of practice with feeling the lead, or if my balance is still compromised, or something else entirely. I still have to manage my pain levels and heat is still an issue for my health. Waiting a little longer until it cools down a bit would be helpful all around I think.

Anyway, My Tango Diaries is back. Stay tuned!
 

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