My Tango Diaries

You say goodbye and I say hello Hello hello I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello More milonga observations . . . "You say goodbye, I say hello... " When I first started going to milongas, I would enter as quietly as possibly, skirt the edge of the room and sit at the back. If someone waved or said "hi", I'd manage a little wave back. I wanted to avoid drawing attention to myself at all costs. That, and it's a bit of habit. In my family, we tend to arrive at and leave gatherings quietly - not wanting to interrupt anyone. Of course milongas are filled with strangers (at least in the beginning when I first started going), not family and friends, so there's an added stress. Not sure of the customs and habits of other dancers, I kept to myself initially. Then I met La Milonguera. Or rather she came over to meet me. La Milonguera seeks out new faces and makes them feel welcome. She greets them, asks where they're from, and introduces them ar...

Long, winding, ranting, and babbling . . . How did I forget how hard it was to get here? To do this? How did I forget how elated I was just to be asked to dance? And then to be able to finish a single tanda without pain? When did the picture of how I wanted to dance become more important than the dance, and the leader, in front of me? It seems lately the stronger the emotional need I feel in the moment for tango, the more brittle and unyielding I become in my experience of it. Granted, it was a hard week. A terrible week. Bad news turning to worse news turning to unthinkable news. Plus, I had run out of the medication I use to control pain - and a clerical error (combined with my own poor follow-up) kept me from getting a refill for another 3 days. It was so easy to forget how bad that feels - it had been months since I'd been in that much pain. It's so hard to do the simplest things in that state. Sentences get disjointed. My memory fails me. Trying to explain to my nurse how...

I write less these days. I'm still thinking, dreaming, and being overwhelmed by tango. The words just don't make it to the page fast enough. Everything seems to be going by me so fast. An entire year has gone by so fast. And now a life gone so fast. Yesterday I got the news that a friend and coworker had passed away. I'd known him for 6 years. Breakfast tacos at 10am, the #5 bus in the afternoons, watching him glide down the street on his bike in terrible weather - routines that formed the fabric of a daily work life. Undone. He's gone and all of those tapestries he was woven into are unraveling. Made worse by so many other routines unraveling at my work. Like every other organization, we're worried about our jobs. Our processes are changing for efficiency's sake. We must all daily justify our worth (and expense) to our organization. No wonder we all feel like unraveling. When people are fearful, it's hard to join together. Empathy seems so risky. We scan th...

A week of anniversaries. Most importantly, my 14th wedding anniversary is this Wednesday. My husband and I have actually been together about 18 years. Wow . . . Our marriage is old enough to vote. After 14 years, my patient and supportive husband, has found himself married to a rabidly obsessed tanguera. He's coping as well as can be expected. ;) This week is also the anniversary of my first steps in tango. My first class at UT, my first milonga, and my first dance. "Your baby at One Year - Milestones this month (from Parenthood.com)" - Your baby now drinks from a cup without assistance. (well, wine glass anyway) - She can stand alone for several minutes. (but she doesn't like it very much) - Baby walks well (that might be a bit generous.Still working on that whole extending the back leg/walking with intention etc etc) - Baby expresses her wants with gestures and words instead of cries. (gesture, schmesture, she uses the cabeceo ) - She engages in gibberish conv...

Silence is Golden Part 1: Just a warning. If you bring up business/work/politics I will try to listen, but I will likely forget everything you've said by the time we stop dancing. So if you need a response to something, an answer, or a commitment of some kind - email me. Any business matters at hand dissolve in my brain as soon as the music starts. You've been warned. Email me. Part 2: Twice this weekend I was informed that the conversation my partner was having with me on the pista was loud enough to be heard by other dancers. And that's annoying. They're right, it is. I hate listening to the couple behind me prattle on and on when I'm trying to listen to the music - so I know how annoying it is. This weekend there were a couple of times when several dancers were talking so loudly that no one could hear the music. I'm sure before I realized that, I had been contributing to that din. My critics were correct that it is disrespectful to the music and to the other ...

(Pictured above, Carlos Gavito and Maria Plazaola (I think) - courtesy of PhotoTango.net - click on picture to visit the site.) I had my second apilado class with Daniela Arcuri Friday night. I thought this time it would go so much more smoothly since I've been practicing somewhat regularly... well, okay, once a week at most. But still. Thirty seconds dancing with my teacher and she had a checklist of about 6 things that needed adjusting. Shoulder down, chest more forward, knees bent more,... more than that... heels together, now you have more room for molinetes - sweep out longer... and relax, and breathe. When the pieces fall into place, the result is amazing. Intense connection and the ability (for me, anyway) to follow the tiniest lead almost instantly. When one piece goes wrong, the whole thing falls apart - particularly in turns. Without a very solid connection torso-to-torso, it's very easy for my partner and I to pull apart (actually, it's usually me pulling away by...