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No more apologizing

A wonderful weekend of tango - three days of lovely dances. Saturday I was so tired that I kicked off my shoes and danced three tandas in my stockings - which is quite a liberating experience. And I must admit that tangueros in socks are quite endearing. For the most part my weekend of dancing was one of warm embraces, fantastic take offs and landings, newly discovered comforts, and deep enjoyment of the wonderful tango community have found myself immersed in. It was also time to let go of the biggest obstacle in my enjoyment and growth as a dancer.

I am finally starting to let go of "dancing in a state of apology" - that constant feeling of not being good enough - not following well enough. Thanks to the words one of my favorite local leader's on his own blog, Tango Beat (http://tango-beat.blogspot.com), I am trying to dance in a state of joy. I am trying simply to be happy in being able to do this as often as I can for as long as I can. I am through apologizing for the things I don't know or haven't yet mastered. All that does is take away from giving all I've got to the moment, to the dance, and to my partner. It's still a struggle. I still catch that inner voice of doom telling me I've missed yet another gancho lead. Or leg wrap lead. Or whatever.

The truth is apologizing constantly is exhausting me and I don't have the energy for it anymore. I'm tired of apologizing for my core muscles not being strong enough. For not having the resources to go to the fantastic workshops that are coming up this week. For not having the stamina I wish I could have. For not being able to dance as much or as often as I would like. No more apologizing.

So tangueros, you get what you get in this moment - and that's everything I've got to give. Tomorrow, I may have more. I am constantly working, trying to improve. But in this moment all that I have to give will have to be enough.
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Comments

Anonymous said…
Good for you! I am glad that you have enjoyed yourself!
November 23, 2009 at 9:57 AM
Anonymous said…
i think this is a lesson all of us ladies could take to heart...not out of cruelty certainly, but self-preservation - bastet
November 23, 2009 at 10:32 AM
jimgil said…
Absolutely. No need to. Just enjoy and dance only with those who do the same. Not a matter of style or complexity.
November 23, 2009 at 2:18 PM
Anonymous said…
You don't ever, ever have to apologize to me! You've been one of, if not my favorite partners since I got up the courage to ask anyone to dance with me. Thank YOU for being there, for being patient, for encouraging me along.
Muchos besos!
November 23, 2009 at 7:37 PM
Mark Word said…
Mari...there has only been one lag in my joy in tango: After the massacre at Ft Hood where I work. Not only your dancing but being there for me brought me back. My blog about joy was all about you! No reason to say "sorry" but instead, you can say "your welcome!".
November 23, 2009 at 10:31 PM
Mari said…
Thanks everyone for your comments - I only wish I'd let go of that mentality earlier. Like everything else in tango, it just takes time to break old habits and learn new, better ones.
November 24, 2009 at 6:22 AM
tangografie said…
That idea seems to be so simple, but obviously it isn't at all. I had a very similar insight and it took me a couple of years to get there: »Some Tangueros are better than others« and that doesn't have to hurt—in contrast, it can enrich everyone dancing.
November 27, 2009 at 2:35 PM
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