Stuck: A Letter to my 16 year old self

This a picture of me from my high school yearbook.

Despite what I see in the mirror, or reflected in other people's eyes, frequently this is what I see in my own mind's eye when I think of "me". Part of me is stuck there in time - awkward, anxious, and (what I thought at the time) unpopular, inept. Despite how far I've come, she still lives in me. Her fears, her troubles.

Sometimes I bring her to the milonga - or rather she brings me. My confidence wanes. Instead of being a grown woman at a milonga, I'm a 17 year old at prom. I can't seem to connect to people with her in the way. She's too strong an influence at those insecure times for me to just push her out of my mind. I have to deal with her.

All of that brings to mind a meme that's going around right now on Facebook and other places. What would you tell your teenage (I think 16 is the age given in the survey/meme) self? If you could go back in time and sit down with yourself at that age - what would you tell them about the future - about your future?

(What started all of this was Stephen Fry's Letter to Himself: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/apr/30/stephen-fry-letter-gay-rights)

So here it is. Me talking to myself . . .

Mari-chan,

It seems like such a bad time right now, such a dark time. I know it seems like none of this going to get better and it's your fault. But it's not your fault, and it does get better. It isn't easy, the road ahead. But there are so many people coming to help you on the road you're traveling - and people that need you, too. You're going to meet people from all over the world. You're going to be a writer and an artist and do so many of things you dream about - and some things you can't even imagine right now.

The world is so amazing where I am. New troubles of course - different challenges, some of them huge. But so many amazing things I don't even know where to begin to tell you.

In the future these people that you think are so much better than you, will tell you that you made a difference for them. Listen to McArthur - he's right about the things you're going to be able to accomplish. Don't lose track of your friends - you'll kick your self later.

Don't get lost in all of this bad stuff going on right now. You're valued and you're loved, even if some of the people can't tell you that yet. Love is everything - love will save your life.

It gets so much better than this . . .

And you won't believe this . .
in the future,
. . . you're a dancer.

abrazos y besos (you'll just have to look that up) from the future you . . .

Tim Ferriss and the Myth of Tango Mastery

Dear tanguero, I feel I should explain my reaction to your comments about Tim Ferriss. It touched a nerve and I didn't really explain my apparent hostility. It was certainly not meant for you. Several people have brought Tim Ferriss to my attention over this past year. I can usually make it a month before his name pops up again. For readers who are unfamiliar with him, he's the author of "The 4 Hour Work Week". He set a Guinness record for the most consecutive tango turns and has competed with his partner, Alicia Monti, at the Tango World Championship . As a social dancer the idea of a tango competition seems absurd. I don't think I will ever understand how something like tango could be judged - or why anyone would want it to be. But I digress. I think the most crucial detail of Ferriss's history, as I relate it to tango, is his winning Wired magazine's "Greatest Self-Promoter of All Time" . If there is any concept more out of synch with social ...

"Proper" Tango Shoes

Periodically someone, usually a man, will be bring up the topic of "proper tango shoes." If he's referring to the problem (and dangers) of trying to dance in flip-flops, or mules, or platform shoes etc., those are definitely valid, and very helpful points to be made. The likelihood of damaging your feet is very high without the proper support of high quality shoes. My problem comes with the idea that the *only* proper tango shoes have 4" stiletto heels on them and fetish-worthy embellishments. (Okay, I'm pretty keen on the embellishments myself.) "goofy ballroomy shoes are a turnoff... get rid of them..." - Alex Tango Fuego (granted this is from 2007), http://alextangofuego.blogspot.com/2007/10/to-dance-or-not-to-dancebrutally.html And, in the comments on a blog post, Anonymous said... " This is a controversial one. If a follower isn't wearing tango shoes then it's usually a good sign she's not particularly good." From Ms. Hedgeh...

Tango solidarity when it counts . . .

Some fellow tanguera-bloggers and I have been having a wonderful online "conversation" via blogs, Twitter, Facebook and email - about the importance of sisterhood and solidarity. You can find Stephanie's post, here and her follow up here , and then Tangocorazon's here . I was so bouyed by the idea of women bonding, helping and supporting each other that I took some things for granted. I took for granted that it would always be easy, enlightened as I am /*cough*/ to be the sort of consistently nurturing and helpful tanguera that I am (in my head) . The truth? Where the rubber met the road (or rather when the discomfort hit the milonga), I wasn't. Here's a little background that gave me a better perspective on the events at the New Year's Eve milonga. These guidelines appear under the heading " Behavior at the Milonga " on Vancouver Island Tango: " . . . The smaller the tango population, the more 'effort' required from each one of th...

Anonymous said…

Dear Mari,
I so KNOW what you're talking about: my version of this is "Little Jimmy", the dorky kid with buck teeth and glasses and zero belief in myself. And, he's still shows up, of course, at the least convenient moments. Then, I get to beat myself up with the you're-supposed-to-have-outgrown-this-thirty-or-forty-years-ago whip. Yeuch.

But, it has gotten a lot better lately.

Thanks for sharing that part of you that's really deep.
JME

October 22, 2009 at 11:01 AM

Mari said…

James -
"But, it has gotten a lot better lately."
You have to know I'm going to say it's because of dancing tango. :)
Several tango dancers have told me that dancing tango made them make peace with themselves over things like that - past and present.

October 22, 2009 at 11:42 AM

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